BREAKING: Eminem invited as the new Rap Coach on The Voice America — but only takes contestants who know how to diss! Forget ballads and pop, the only rule is harsh punchlines! Slim Shady’s red chair now comes with a subwoofer ready to drop bombs during Battle Rounds. “I didn’t turn for the voice, I turned for the ATTITUDE,” Eminem said, flexing maximum cool. Contestants are scrambling to learn ‘toxic’ verses, while old coaches pray not to get dissed live on air! The most intense rap showdown The Voice has ever seen is about to explode—who will be the first casualty?
BREAKING: THE VOICE JUST WENT FULL SHADY — EMINEM JOINS AS RAP COACH, BUT ONLY IF YOU CAN DISS HARD ENOUGH!
America’s favorite singing show just got flipped on its perfectly-coiffed head — and it’s all thanks to Marshall Mathers, aka Eminem, who’s stormed The Voice with zero tolerance for love songs, high notes, or weak bars.
“I’m not here for vibrato,” Slim Shady said while smirking in a hoodie.
“I’m here for vengeance… in rhyme form.”
His iconic red chair now comes with a subwoofer, fog machine, and a built-in rhyme dictionary that explodes on command during Battle Rounds. No guitars, no Adele ballads—just venom, metaphors, and the occasional verbal decapitation.
Sources say the audition rules in Team Eminem’s corner are strict:
-
Must be able to freestyle under pressure.
-
Must survive a diss from Eminem himself.
-
Must promise never to sing Ed Sheeran.
When one contestant tried to do a Bruno Mars cover, Eminem hit the buzzer with such force, Blake Shelton said he felt it in Oklahoma.
Kelly Clarkson’s been reportedly “terrified” since Day One, whispering backstage:
“I’ve been insulted by Simon Cowell… but I’m not ready for Stan 2.0 in a hoodie.”
Meanwhile, fans are losing their minds:
